Should Hatchets be banned from retard juggalos


Ban hatchet sales to juggalos..

In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then – if we’re doing our job – we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least makes you think about something other than how pissed off you are to be watching the Olympics on tape delay.

It’s not the most important of jobs, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk – along with playing ridiculous amounts of iPhone Scrabble – it’s our life’s work.

This week’s Ragnet takes us to Pierce County, where sometimes drunks on bikes get a wee bit agro.

Enjoy. – Matt Driscoll

If you’re an average, normal person chances are you’ve long since forgot about them.

I’m talking, of course, about the Insane Clown Posse – and embarrassing adolescent relic of a past time, you’d hope. Like Fred Durst and that godforsaken “Butterfly” song, it’s an era we would have been lucky to never consider again.

This week, however, Pierce County was reminded that the Insane Clown Posse lives on in the hearts and minds of many a disaffected, trashy Pierce County youth – and we best not forget.

According to published reports, last Tuesday, Feb. 9 an angry 18-year-old with a beef tracked down a Pierce County sheriff’s deputy at his home. Though the deputy was listed as only “Mr. Smith” in court documents and subsequent reports, what allegedly transpired is crystal clear – and considering recent events it’s at least as downright scary as it is bafflingly moronic.

According to reports, Joshua Paul Yacovone, who has since been arraigned in Pierce County Superior Court on charges of third-degree assault and intimidating a public servant, was stopped by “Officer Smith” earlier in the day – 3:30 a.m., to be exact. Yacovone was riding his bike on 66th Avenue East in the postcard town of Frederickson, and perhaps the sight of someone cruising on a bike at 3:30 a.m. in Frederickson stirs suspicions.

Upon contact with Officer Smith, Yacovone allegedly told the officer he’d been drinking, and was a “Hatchet” – a term that, apparently, Pierce County Sheriff’s deputies are trained to associate with the Insane Clown Posse.

After being cited and released by Officer Smith for minor in possession earlier in the day, around 8:10 p.m. Yacovone approached Smith at his home as he walked from his house to the patrol car parked in his driveway. According to the reports, Yacovone was upset and accused Officer Smith of “taking his money” during their earlier meeting. According to the Weekly Volcano’s own investigative reporting, Yacovone was probably also ranting about how face paint is actually cool and living in a trailer with a third grade reading level isn’t that bad.

Standing in his driveway, an angry “Hatchet” approaching, and knowing this is the type of Juggalo not afraid to drunkenly ride his bike at 3:30 a.m. in Frederickson, Officer Smith did the only rationale thing he could do.

He calmly pointed his riffle at Mr. Yacovone, the dangerous Juggalo – who, of course, then got the hell out of dodge.

Yacovone was arrested at his residence a short time later – which is almost certainly his mom’s single wide. – Jimbo Utsler, Juggalo Crime Correspondent

13 responses to “Should Hatchets be banned from retard juggalos

  1. You know what? Come to BRANDON-FL mother fucker and we’ll see who gets who’s ass beat.

  2. why did you need to use the word retard. you call yourself a journalist. what a joke.

  3. ITs pretty much people like you that will be the downfall of society
    You accuse Juggalos of being ignorant
    You sir are ignorant and its sad really to read your
    “Journalism”
    Move out of your moms basement get a job lose some weight and marry the ugliest bitch you can find
    Because thats all life has in store for you accept it

  4. This is hilarious.
    Pure genius, and all true.
    Juggalos, LOL.
    Keep up the good fight good sirs!

  5. It is rather hilarious the morons that leave comments on these. All you “Juggalos” are a joke, I can honestly say that if I saw one of you fuckers in person, with your ridiculous face paint, listening to your SHIT ICP “music”, I would most definitely beat the living shit out of you until you were dead. You do not deserve to live if you are this ignorant.

    • how bout this mother fako i defend ur god damn country u wana come beat the shit outta me be my guest cuz ur dumb ass would be comein up against the US ARMY BITCH!!! common we r not iggnorent we jus know the truth about u biggets n how u belive u r the baddest shit around well i got news for u ya fuckin chicken WE ARE EVERYWERE and we are growing larger every day u wana face us then get the fuck off ur mother n come face us cuz well hang ur ass n take turns beating u till u beg us for forgiveness. u know wut FUCK FORGIVENESS U DONT DESERVE FORGIVENESS ONLY PAIN WILL HAUNT UR PATHETIC LIL LIFE.. WE WILL HAUNT U BITCH!!! WOOT WOOOT!!!!

  6. This isnt journalism. You aint even gettin your facts straight homeboy. He meant rep the hatchet not he is a hatchet you dumb mutherfucker. Where’d you get your info? Try putting some actual effort into your articles cause you sound like my nine year old niece bitch.
    Sane… STFU. Whats stupider than a juggalo is someone who claims to hate them and still you rant and rave about them like you have nothing better to do with your life than obsess about ICP and the fam you damn fool.
    Any “juggalo” who claims this shit but goes out committing crimes like these aint really down for it. Or they just dont kick it around enough clowns. Idc what any other clown says- no disrespect. The real clowns are all about respect and honor.
    To you haters, you need to find something better to do than sit around and make yourselves look like a bunch of twats with a silly obsession. And stop trying to act all hard saying you’d beat anyone’s ass cause i guarantee you wouldn’t if the opportunity presented itself to you. I already called out a bunch of you fuckers in my town and all of you bitches backed down sayin they aint really about the holocaust. I got you punks in check around my area so if anyone else wants to step up you can get beat down just like all your boys did. Hahahaha.
    MMFWCL fam. Dont get offended just laugh at this bullshit.
    <3Suicide

  7. MMFWCL FAM DONT EVER FORGET THE HONOR N RESPECT WE SHARE

  8. Hehehehehehe. You JH dudes are pretty funny. Thats not even sarcasm btw. This sounds like a bunch of high school bullshit you would find on myspace bruh. Is that where you get your blogging skills? =b Im jp. You need to see it from a whole different point of view to understand why its such a big thing to be down for the clown. It seems simple and dumb but only to people who live with blind folds over their eyes. At least we enjoy ourselves no matter where we are and we dont have to fuck our sisters and live in trailers. Hahahaha. (That was the funniest jest ever.) Regardless of what you say we do our thing and you JH fools just talk a lot of shit. I gotta agree with Suicide- you name stealer!!! Xp- cause there were 22 heads deep over in my old neighborhood and they didnt say shit to me. It doesnt really matter in the long run. Hopefully you all find the ability to kick back and stop trippin off the superficial nonsense that gives you so much delight now. Life is short. Live it wisely.

  9. us juggalos share more than any family, we aint no joke, you da joke, we have respect you dont. see there are many things that separate you from us. so i wouldnt try and start something with someone if you know nothing about them.
    MMFWCL

  10. First of all, where the hell did you get your facts? you should have just contacted me because you obviously don’t know anything about Joshua Paul Yacovone. Secondly, DON’T SAY SHIT ABOUT HIS MOM!!! HIS MOM IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON ON EARTH AND YOU HAVE ABSOULUTLY NO RIGHT TO SLANDER HER BECAUSE OF THE ACTIONS HER SON TOOK. so email me if you want the truth from everything. I was there when josh got his money stolen (my money), I was there when josh confronted the crooked cop “mr.smith”, and i was there when he pulled out his rifle and told josh he would splatter his brains, i was there when he got arrested by two unmarked policeman after filing a report on mr.smith. so you can’t say anything along the lines of what you’ve already said. i know everything. and that cop didn’t let him go later in the day, he harassed him for an hour after stopping him, tried shoving his bike in the back of the cruiser with josh, gave up and told josh to walk his bike home. you know what he did then? of course you don’t, your too stupid to find out, but i’ll be nice and tell you, josh got his stuff back (except a money clip), picked up his bike and carried it all the way home on his shoulders. i’m sure mr.smith can vouch for this part, since he did go park in the pioneer valley school lot and watched josh walk home. plus, josh would never say “i’m a hatchet” he’s more of a screamer of “JUGGALO RIDAS BITCH”. Did you even interview him? or his family? did you get your facts only offline? pathetic. you need to go back to some kind of journalism school and learn how to get facts and use them, not get bullshit and try to make it into a story with many errors. so either try again, or fuck off.

  11. by the way, email me Jimbo Utsler, i would looooove to hear what else you know and think of Joshua Paul Yacovone. lickmyclit87@yahoo.com

  12. Wow this article is all wrong. I am actually friends with his familly. It’s funny how this journalist twisted the truth. Josh never lived in a trailer his whole life and his parents lived in a nice house in washington. Pff this article is a complete joke.

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