For my entire life, when I’ve met new people and arrived at the point in the relationship where we find ourselves talking about our fears, I’ve come away feeling disappointed. Why? Well, here is a list of legitimate fears: attack dogs, STD tests, that heartbeat moment when you Snapchat your junk to someone and their name begins with the same letter as someone in your family, your house burning down in the night.
Nowhere on that list is the word clowns, because for a long time, being scared of clowns has been the most bullshit fear on Earth. It’s a fear adopted by teenagers who don’t know any better to make them seem interesting by association. It’s a fear sprung from seeing a picture of Pennywise from Stephen King’s It and thinking, Yeah, that seems like a cool fear.
But now I’m starting to think that the clown fearers might have a point, because gangs of young men have been marauding around France dressed as clowns chasing innocent bystanders with pistols, poles, knives, and bats.